Friday, August 5, 2011

Surviving Anxiety

i have a job for the fall. i will be working at a a school 45 miles away as the 3-6 grade math teacher... and another subject, too. i just don't know what it is. i've asked 3 times int he last month. i've also asked what the schedule will be and how long i'll have the students for. three times and still no response. it is making me incredibly anxious and frustrating.

then i made the mistake of looking on the website on the school district that i live in and there was a 3rd grade position open. i applied. now i am anxious about that too. will i get an interview? is this really what i want? what happens if i am offered the position? can i walk away from the other school when it is so close to the start of the school year? how will i feel about myself if i do that?

i could get really excited about both positions. the idea of the students rotating and getting to have lost of students sounds fun. and i really like math so that would be cool. but then having one grade would be amazing. that is what i feel like i'd be the best at. if i compare my student teaching (grade 4, 25 students) and last year (k-3 grade and 5 students) i was SO much more comfortable with the one grade and 25 students. that makes me lean towards the one grade.

but then the other part of me keeps thinking, "how could i do that to the school?" this makes me think about how i could do it for a year and get some more experience and then eventually be able to get into the district i live in.

but then if i am offered the position is if God saying here is your chance....


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

enough ramblings...