oddly or not so oddly relieved

i'm not gonna lie; it has been a hard school year. not only was i trying to figure out how to be an effective teacher, but i had to figure out how to teach 3 grades at the same time and how to teach music. it was a lot to figure out. it wouldn't have been so bad, but the other teacher, teacher's aid, and i didn't really mesh. we were civil to eachother but things always seemed fake. (i hate when people are fake.) it was also a hard year because i felt ganged up on. the other classroom teacher and the teacher's aid are friends. i felt like they were always watching me to see when i would mess up so they could use it against me. it is really hard to go to work feeling that way.

about a month go started to be the time to think about if i wanted to come back or not. i had many sleepless nights. "can i handle it for another year?" "is it worth is?" "insert many more questions here." those nights increased as the night of negotiations neared. that was on tuesday. all my sleepless nights were for nothing. because of the low enrollment for next year they are going to go to one teacher and one teacher's aid. and i wasn't the teacher to get the job. the other teacher has a year of seniority on my. i am oddly relieved... maybe not oddly. my intention was to wait until the last moment to sign my contract and continue to look for another job. now i am free to look without feeling like i am sneeking around. it is a good feeling.

now the sleepless nights are because of the worries of not finding anything.